so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I look better un-naked...
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I am midnight drunk by noon
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
