why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
