he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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