I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
