it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
