Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
