Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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