Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
