So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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