I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
