btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
