Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
