I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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