Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I just sucked dick on a ferry
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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