Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
