Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
wow bdsm is so cute
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
