Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
