I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize