fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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