i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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