someone threw a dead crab at me
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
