I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize