man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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