yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
