She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
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