eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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