if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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