And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
This is the high leading the old right now
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
50% drunk capacity currently
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
