Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
