Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
