Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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