she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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