she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
