as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
