my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
