Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
