fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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