She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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