If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
