Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize