i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
