R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
