dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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