My sheets look like a crime scene.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
