They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Randomize
