Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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