I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
