The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
