Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
