I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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