I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
