I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
