O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
