Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize