When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
