i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
