When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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