I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Just cropdusted the office
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
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