I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
The beer is more important than you right now.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
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