Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize