im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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