I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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