So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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