Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
