Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
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