Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Randomize
