i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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