im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize