never play flip cup with pint glasses
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
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