i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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